Title : "Real marriage comes the day you realise that this person [your spouse] is exquisitely designed to stick the burning spear right into your eyeball."
link : "Real marriage comes the day you realise that this person [your spouse] is exquisitely designed to stick the burning spear right into your eyeball."
"Real marriage comes the day you realise that this person [your spouse] is exquisitely designed to stick the burning spear right into your eyeball."
Said Terry Real — who's "personally healed" Bruce Springsteen and Bradley Cooper — quoted in "Have you got ‘marital hatred’? Probably/He’s the couples therapist to the A-list who says it’s normal to have some (very) dark thoughts about your spouse. Terry Real talks to Andrew Billen" (London Times).
“I teach my students to always be respectful of the exquisite intelligence of the adaptive child. You did exactly what you needed to do back then to preserve yourself but I have a saying, ‘adaptive then, maladaptive now’. You’re not that little girl and you’re not dealing with your histrionic mother. You’re dealing with your husband. Things are different.”
He has been married for 37 lively years to Belinda Berman-Real, who is also a therapist. With two sons now in their thirties, they have always rowed. One 12-hour fight was resolved by her saying forgivingly: “You really are an asshole.”...
“Belinda’s core negative image of me is that I am an undependable, self-centred, charming, narcissistic boy. My core negative image of her is that she is a controlling, insatiable, complaining witch.”...
When he is not blaming our adaptive inner children, he tends to blame broken marriages on the West’s cult of individualism. Born somewhere back in the Enlightenment, it has, he contends, produced since the 1950s a society of “rugged individuals” (largely domineering men) and “romantic individuals” (mainly women who big up their feelings). Such “grandiosity” is as poisonous as low self-esteem....
“Generally speaking, grandiose women are even more difficult to treat than grandiose men, not always but quite often. Grandiose women have advanced degrees in offending from the victim position,” he writes. Such women, he goes on, can be “righteously indignant avenging angels”....
"When women move out of the traditional feminine role and move into the traditional masculine role, they don’t do a better job with it than men have.... You break connection when you move into power. You see this with women these days. A lot of women when they finally do find their voice to speak do so in a manner that no one in their right mind could possibly listen to. I think the next step for culture is moving into — and I teach this practically — how to stand up to your partner and cherish your partner and love them in the same breath. Now, that’s brand new for the culture.... I’m not interested in feminising men. I’m not interested in masculinising women. I think that we should raise our sons and daughters to be whole human beings. I like to think about smart, sexy, beautiful daughters and big-hearted, sensitive, strong sons."
Said Terry Real — who's "personally healed" Bruce Springsteen and Bradley Cooper — quoted in "Have you got ‘marital hatred’? Probably/He’s the couples therapist to the A-list who says it’s normal to have some (very) dark thoughts about your spouse. Terry Real talks to Andrew Billen" (London Times).
“I teach my students to always be respectful of the exquisite intelligence of the adaptive child. You did exactly what you needed to do back then to preserve yourself but I have a saying, ‘adaptive then, maladaptive now’. You’re not that little girl and you’re not dealing with your histrionic mother. You’re dealing with your husband. Things are different.”
He has been married for 37 lively years to Belinda Berman-Real, who is also a therapist. With two sons now in their thirties, they have always rowed. One 12-hour fight was resolved by her saying forgivingly: “You really are an asshole.”...
“Belinda’s core negative image of me is that I am an undependable, self-centred, charming, narcissistic boy. My core negative image of her is that she is a controlling, insatiable, complaining witch.”...
When he is not blaming our adaptive inner children, he tends to blame broken marriages on the West’s cult of individualism. Born somewhere back in the Enlightenment, it has, he contends, produced since the 1950s a society of “rugged individuals” (largely domineering men) and “romantic individuals” (mainly women who big up their feelings). Such “grandiosity” is as poisonous as low self-esteem....
“Generally speaking, grandiose women are even more difficult to treat than grandiose men, not always but quite often. Grandiose women have advanced degrees in offending from the victim position,” he writes. Such women, he goes on, can be “righteously indignant avenging angels”....
"When women move out of the traditional feminine role and move into the traditional masculine role, they don’t do a better job with it than men have.... You break connection when you move into power. You see this with women these days. A lot of women when they finally do find their voice to speak do so in a manner that no one in their right mind could possibly listen to. I think the next step for culture is moving into — and I teach this practically — how to stand up to your partner and cherish your partner and love them in the same breath. Now, that’s brand new for the culture.... I’m not interested in feminising men. I’m not interested in masculinising women. I think that we should raise our sons and daughters to be whole human beings. I like to think about smart, sexy, beautiful daughters and big-hearted, sensitive, strong sons."
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